The rumors fly - zombies coming to chew on my restorations?

New York's been fairly "lucky" so far as the zombie problem goes. Thus far, we've only been attacked by cranky super-albinos with fairly mighty incisors.



Luckily, the Prince of Bel-Air was here to save us! The Prince wears many hats, and ass-kicking, Doggie-loving, AR-16-wielding super-scientist is just one of those!



So! Believe me when I say that I'm nervous about the prospects of a fresh zombie invasion from the UK, in the form of Danny Boyle's slightly misshapen head. Yes! 28 Months Later, long rumored, still rumored, but also much-hoped for, has yet again been rumored to be beginning!

Which means a fresh round of me worrying for my building restorations in New York City! Darn it all. And that sound track! So urgent, creepy, and ugh! I'd hate to have to listen to that over and over again as we the people of New York wait again for Will Smith to save us from British zombies with bad teeth, natch.



Where will they invade next? One alleged casting director says either the UK or Australia, but you can never completely scratch New York City off any apocalyptic movie's list.

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York Restoration Corporation's been warned: more New York destruction is on the way

Looks like we'll be staring down JJ Abram's shaky-cam monster once again, thanks to a title tentatively titled "Cloverfield 2: Hipster Kids Still Inexplicably Own Park-View Columbus Circle Apartments on the 56th Floor of a Brand New Building."

That greasy, slimy, octo-limbed thing tore the hell out of my most recent york restorations. Corporations will need to be brought in to make sure this thing doesn't get too out of hand.

I mean, what's the deal - I thought we took care of both the annoying trustfund kids AND the monster with that nuke at the end. Was it all for naught? Did we drop the big one on the world's best city, and then rebuild it in the space of a few days, all to let this jerk who can't compose a cogent narrative (even with the space and time 6 seasons' worth of storytelling allows) send another monster kicking and birthing other little annoying monsters who cause spontaneous subconjuctival hemorrhages (and other nastiness, like killing off the sole interesting character) through our city?

I say no!

Go away, JJ. We don't want your stringy version of sci-fi dropping elephant-sized deuces all over Central Park again. Thanks.

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Devil-kin and Monsters Creating More Building Restoration Work

This big green thing is about to make a whole bunch of building restoration work for me!

Well then, guess what time it is? Looks to me like it's New York restoration time! Buildings, bridges, streets, utilities - all looking like they'll need restoration experts like myself trooping in to clean up after another monster/alien/devil-kin/explosion.

Another explosion. Sigh

Ah well, at least I have regular work, right? Can't complain too much. It's just - it's painful to see your hard work torn down time after time, day after day. New York restoration is often a thankless job, or else why would they continuously tear down my efforts? It's enough to make a building restoration expert like myself question his dedication.

And get this - now even video games are starting to blow up New York. Really?!? Seriously? Come on, guys - give New York restoration a break, please.

Sigh. Until that day, I'll be over here, quietly cleaning up the city.

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Someone made a nice compilation of all my work being undone

Nicely done, Entertainment Weekly! Only a few instances of total destruction are missing from this collection of the world's tendency to undo my constant reconstruction in a matter of minutes.

Well, we all gotta make a living somehow, and unfortunately, mine's picking up the pieces after another jolly space monster romps through the best city in the world.

So what's the deal? Let's get down to brass tacks here. Why the heck does everyone want to point a giant wave at Times Square (other than the ubiquitous annoying tourists)? Why float all your angry aliens over the happy Apple? There's some kind of psychology going on, and as happy as my restoration company is to have lots of business, we're all a little tired of restoring buildings - especially the same buildings - over and over.

Let's send in the celebrity psychologists. We need answers.



DR LEO MARVIN!!!

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The Cloverfield monster building restoration

All over new york, people are restoring buildings. Why? Because New York keeps getting attacked by monsters.



The restoration process is an expensive one. When that weird looking monster from Cloverfield came through and blew the hell out of downtown, we all pledged we'd rebuild. But think of the billions of dollars that stupid thing did just with its tail!

On one hand, it's nice to see everyone working together to rebuild our buildings. I mean, building restoration is now one of the most profitable industries to work in! On the other hand, it's annoying because you know it's just a few months before some other monster comes blowing through town, and then it's back to restoring buildings all day.

Sigh.

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Building restorations can be threatened by aliens, monsters, and weather

But marshmallows, too? C'mon.

How could marshmallows hate building restoration? It doesn't make sense, but there it is. I never knew marshmallows had so much hate in them.

Hatred of building restorations is one of the most common and destructive delusions for marshmallows, and it afflicts marshmallows' mind almost every day. To solve the problem of hatred of building restorations we first need to recognize hatred of building restorations within marshmallows' minds, acknowledge how it harms both marshmallows and SMOREs, and appreciate the benefits of building restoration. We then need to apply practical methods in marshamallows' daily life to reduce our hatred of building restorations and finally to prevent it from arising at all.



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