Documenting my tireless work for the greatest restoration company in the world.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Book of Eli - threatening Queens with implied apocalypse - get past York Restoration Corporation first

Lots of stylized violence and Dark Ages technology can't keep the Big Apple down. I could believe Training Day, Mr. Washington, but anything that plays off the US as a giant deserted wasteland, filled with sand and guys with knives angled like boomerangs sorely underestimates my and York Restoration's dedication to keeping New York upright and filled with buildings.

No, sir! Not without that good fight! We'll pound the book-burners and sand-blowers that Universal apparently hired to create a fake beach with no water. Not without that good fight. Queens shall live on.

You see, York and I are both avid book collectors in addition to being super-human building restoration experts. Queen's on lockdown, Manhattan's cooler than Cuba, heck - even Staten Island can rest easy - we rebuild the buildings AND protect the literature.

I keep a secret vault deep within the earth. York Restoration Corporation might or might not have its own equivalent hidden in a fortress on a jungle island, possibly in a fortress inside a volcano. Possibly.

I refuse to gossip.

Suffice to say, New York, you can rest easy knowing Hollywood and Denzel Washington won't be responsible for turning Long Island City into a book-less Mojave. Not on our watch.


Thursday, May 13, 2010

Iron Man! Don't let them destroy New York! York Restoration Corporation's here.

Well, the upcoming Summer season's on its way, and while I can say this year looks better than, say, the Summer of Hollywood's obsession with Armageddon movies, it's not exactly a walk in the park. Let's start off with the one that's likely inconvenienced you lately, Iron Man 2 - Electric Boogaloo.

At least Iron Man wouldn't go out of his way to blow up New York's buildings, right? Myself and York Restoration Corporation can rest easy?

Wait a minute, Iron Man! That's Corona Park, except, smaller! You couldn't possibly be thinking about destroying it, COULD YOU?

Nah, it's probably just a misunderstanding. Though, really - you look at those eyes, you can tell he's thinking some pretty dark thoughts about Corona Park. I guess I can sympathize, but that doesn't mean you need to make a bunch of work for me or York Restoration Corporation! No thank you, sir!

Probably it'll be some weird guy with electric whips who comes and destroys Queens. Wait, what's this?

GAH! MICKEY ROURKE!?!? What did New York, myself, and York Restoration Corporation do to deserve this kind of punishment?!?

Please, WhiplashMickeyRourke! Don't hurt my beautiful buildings!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Someone call me, or get on the line with York Restoration! A Queens landmark needs help!

There’s a landmark building out in Queens that’s in desperate need of an expert building restoration contractor. It’s literally falling in on itself, with walls bowing in and out, visible holes in the ceiling. It’s to the point where the city bureaucracy is actually suing the owner to get the work done. Insane.

Anyway, there’s a time to send up the white flag and call in experts. For a project like this, call in the experts! I'm here, but I'm pretty busy working on resetting Manhattan from a series of B-level zombie attacks. I suggest, in my place, you call in York Restoration Corporation.

York Restoration Corporation is a restoration company in Maspeth, New York City. In Queens! They’re experts in restoring the outside of the building, ass the brick, concrete, fiberglass, stone – all the structural stuff that’s often the most difficult to make perfect. Seals, windows, seams, too. Anything that might let in a little water, or out a little heat. York’s also the contractor of choice when your home needs a little sprucing-up, or when a DIY project spirals out of control. They handle upkeep and maintenance, as well.

Whoever ends up doing the work, it needs to get done. Fast. When an historic building – a landmark building whose continued existence in a city renowned for its tear-down-and-build-anew policy – is allowed to degrade to the point where it’s considered a neighborhood hazard, something or someone needs to change.