Just for a change, no buildings to restore today

She's a beautiful city. I'm guessing building restoration will be needed in the near future; for now, though, let's just enjoy the view.


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Live Free or Restore Buildings

Once again, Bruce Willis thinks very little of how hard I work at restoring buildings for a living. He tells me to live free? I tell him to go restore a building or two, then see what "living free" really means. It's the feeling of getting up before the sun and putting on a set of battered steel-toe boots. A breakfast of two fried eggs, an orange or an apple (whichever Nancy bought for me), a couple of glasses of water, half a pot of coffee, a Snickers bar, and maybe some granola. Then, it's off to the bathtub for a relaxing soak with scented bath beads. Usually, sage-scented, unless they were out of sage at the Bed Bath and Beyond, and then I'll try one of the other random bath bead scents that I don't like nearly as much as the sage scent. I try not to get worked up about it but a man has a routine in the morning and breaking that routine can be a frustrating experience, as I've tried to explain - gently! - to whichever associate I happen to speak with at the local BB&Beyond. Sage is part of my morning routine. Finally, it's time to go restore buildings all day.

So, Bruce Willis - I'd say come spend a day in my sage-scented shoes. Come see what it's really like to Live Free or Restore Buildings.

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Bruce Willis needs to help me restore the Chrysler Building

He did a piss-poor job of stopping the meteors from destroying the top-half of the darn thing. I doubt Mr. Willis even considered the amount of time, energy and sweat that went into restoring the natural beauty of the Chrysler Building the last time something beat the heck out of it.

If he did, and still didn't care enough to keep an 8-ton space rock from hitting it? Well, me and Bruce are going to have words.

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Zombies visit; yet more building restoration

Will Smith saved us from the zombie apocalypse, but guess who has to clean up after him? That's right, yours truly, the building restoration master. I didn't expect zombies to be polite about destroying my beautiful city, but I would've hoped they'd at least left the roofs alone. That's hard work, restoring a roof of a big ol' building.



Thanks for saving the world and all, Will, but next time, make the zombies allergic to knocking down buildings. Thanks.



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Aliens, again.

You can't see it, but this is Tom Cruise reacting to the erasure of all my building restoration work on downtown NYC. By? Aliens. Again. So boring.

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Now we're restoring buildings in the cold.

Well this time, we can only blame ourselves. Why didn't I think of this the day after yesterday? I'm busy at work, restoring buildings, for one. There's nothing more frustrating than restoring the Chrysler Building, only to see it ruined by a giant tidal wave followed by spontaneous freezing.

Jake Gylenhall warned us, but ultimately we had to go out and restore those buildings, even in the freezing cold. He was right about one thing - those wolves are hungry. And mean.



If only we'd listened to Al Gore! Well, I'm off to go restore the New York Public library and play with the penguins.



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Someone tell that damn gorilla to get off; I'm trying to restore a building over here

Here I am, almost finished with restoring the Empire State Building, when this stupid monkey climbs up and starts knocking out windows & breaking buttresses, all while holding this poor blonde lady. Talk about annoying!

Funny thing is, the porter told me the exact same thing happened like fifty years ago to another building restoration expert! Guy was repairing some bird damage when another giant ape climbed the building with another blonde dame. Poor thing ended up shot to pieces. I guess that's what you get when you keep a man from finishing his building restoration.



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